Anyway Fuji won’t add me to the chats yet.
I hear some aren’t happy I admitted to being depressed this game. I’m not happy about it either. And I tried to downplay it and I felt like a pussy for admitting it. I’ve been leaking (metaphorically) from my eyes, ears, and nose and unraveling at the seams for awhile now lol.
Truth be told life’s been miserable lately (and just going to get worse before it gets better unfortunately). And I’ve been miserable lately bc of my poor ability to cope with it. And Mafia isn’t a good game for that. I put myself in a lose lose situation trying to play it out and took the option that was much much worse on myself anyway.
It’s no one’s fault. And I shouldn’t have subjected anyone to be playing a game with me if I couldn’t properly lock in completely. My fear of being called a coward for subbing as scum just won out and I’m sure it was the wrong one. (I know it was for me personally). I tortured myself sticking it out bc I was concerned with what people were going to think of me if I didn’t.
Obviously I’m a bitch to begin with for putting this weight of what online people in a forum community think of me but it’s just how I’m wired.
I do think if you had a perspective of what a puddle of a person I’m like in real life rn/outside of the game you’d see I did my best to not melt all over the place lol. Obviously not enough.
Obviously saying all this now or explaining it isn’t going to help that perception and just makes me look even more like a pussy lol. But well. That’s alright. It’s a lost cause anyway I’m afraid lol.
At the end of the day I’m just sorry to everyone else lol. The best you can get from me is an apology and knowing I feel worse about me and it than you do I promise. So know it’s not criticism flying over my head