This is going to come off very blunt, but I hope you don't take it in a bad way.
Your problem is that you believe the @bolded.
You constantly "worship" certain players or, in better words, put them at some God-tier level in your head and in turn, think of yourself as a lesser player in comparison.
This translates into low confidence which only further spirals down every time someone insults you or scum reads you when you're town.
Your confidence levels are so bad that you think you're way worse than the average player which is not true. This is stunting your growth as a player because you are too worried about messing up, too worried about being a hinderance, and too worried about what people think of you, hence not allowing you to play freely and not allowing you to more easily mature in the game.
You can ignore this if you like and say I'm playing armchair therapist or whatever. In fact, I could be wrong, I don't really know you. I'm just speaking from my own experience, though.
It's still a mindset that I'm working to break out of, but I feel like I've made a bit of progress on it since maybe last summer when I stopped "worshipping" a certain person. This is not to say that you can't look up to people and respect them, of course. I do that now instead. I believe there's a difference between the former and the latter though. The former puts the individual at a much more unattainable level whereas the latter pushes you to improve more because you acknowledge that they're a regular person like yourself who has just gained more experience than you and properly applied said experience into their current playstyle. It takes away the idea of them being someone "you can't be or play like". I found it to be a much healthier way of thinking.
Anyway, like I said, maybe this doesn't apply to you. If so, ignore.